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| dreams of earthquakes,
dreams of hurricanes,
dreams of
the pouring rain,
dreams of tidal waves
...to wash us all away
dreams of guns blazed,
dreams of fire rage,
dreams of swollen graves,
dreams of
hollow pain
all gone.
no more fallen,
no more enemy,
no more casualty,
no more dream.
Fall into sleep!
Fall into me!
I have a dream but nobody cares!
Nobody wants to listen!
Fall into sleep!
Fall into me!
Hang onto a dream that nobody wants!
Nobody cares anymore!
dreams of mourning grief,
dreams of disbelief,
dreams of tragedy.
dreams of our disease,
to take us all away.
Dreams of fidelity,
dreams of inner peace,
dreams of loyalty,
dreams of unity,
all gone,
all gone.
The angels are injured,
fall with broken burning wings,
Are we dead inside?
Are we blind?
We can't keep moving forward,
backwards with closed eyes,
We're losing sight,
all lost inside.
No more fallen, no more enemy. | | |
| ...it went past pretty fast i'd say.
and im not really missing home...yet.
i hope i dont. | | |
| wow... after one year of so-called "resting"...im finally here - toronto.
the flight was pretty much smoooth.
hong kong -> tokyo -> detroit -> toronto.
on Northwest Airlines...
over 24hours of transit..
hong kong -> tokyo
it was awesome cuz i was on business class... the seat was awesome, the good was ok... got to the tokyo narita airport and used the lounge there... all i saw was mac machines everywhere. it was cool.
tokyo -> detroit
a 12hr-flight... i got bumped down to the economy... it was sad cuz i actually got an aisle seat but the guy next to me wanted his mom (which was sitting on the row behind him) to sit beside him so i had to move a row back and sat in the middle... prolly the worst seat there is... the food was just.... sigh. watched disturbia and this movie about farm girls playing bball... i don't know why i even watched it.. maybe cuz it was on the screen right in front of me and i couldn't sleep... got off the plane and i waited for almost an hour to get thru immigration... they work uber slow...... then finally cleared the customs and everything... went to taco bell
detroit -> toronto
i got onto a small plane that seated around approx. 50 ppl... and it was another type of experience. you can actually feel the plane slow down and jerk in midair... it felt weird.
today.
woke up at like 10 to do my bank acct and phone... but dont worry.. my hong kong phone still works... just text/call if you want...i'll try to pick up.. but anyway.. checked out a music store... almost impulsive-ly got a bass... then went "home" to chill...i fell asleep... then wentout for vietnamese pho... then sitting in chris's room for some ninja-ing of wireless internet and updating this... im still pretty damn tired from the flight so i might go to sleep soon. hah.
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| august 20th...
i'll be out of here tmr.
honestly... i don't feel like leaving hong kong. but who does?....
since i dont think i'll have much do to in the last week besides packing...
might as well update what has happened..
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a brief summary of my gap year.
sept 06 -
when the North America-bound people are gone... started to help out chapel... decreased my hours in TNS..
oct 06 -
same as above... suffering in TNS even more...
nov 06 -
pretty sure it's the same.... ignite's starting to become an overwhelming thing and trying to find something new cuz i wasn't prepared for an acoustic set..
dec 06 -
totally stress free cuz i dont have TNS anymore.... the N.A-bound people are back, so it was a fun time
31st - got pwned.... so couldn't go countdown..
jan 07 -
surgery + 1st month of resting... intensive WoW time...
feb 07 -
even the aussie people left.... prolly the lowest point in my life... a broken arm with nothing else to support me.
mar 07 -
starting to work for church.... lol... getting used to my scarred arm..
15th - queen's rejection.....d--"b
apr 07 -
led worship at a "big" event as an Ignite worship leader, was a blast... still getting used to the arm..
5th - 8th - ignite camp.
may 07 -
led worship @ gospel camp... very painful experience (im talking about my fingers...and my ass cuz my ass didn't have any mattress at all..just a bar of steel)...
23rd - twas a fun and "special" day.
jun 07 -
was "released" from ignite leader's job.... handover took place... don't have much to do..
8th - redeemer university's acceptance...
22nd - a "reunion" lunch.
jul 07 -
my birthday.... and went to japan for the 1st time..
11th - a "memorable" day..?
aug 07 -
the second japan trip... then what's gna happen next..?
6th - secret.
21st - goodbye.
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all i can say is... this year has been a very intersting year...
from a market researcher -> WoWer -> handicapped -> so-called "worship leader" -> douchebag...(now)
market researcher....
"hi... may i speak to your IT mgr please? my name is Alex and im calling from TNS. We're currently doing a reserach on the usage of PCs...*click* ah damn..."
that was my opening phrase to every.single.person i talk to when im working. at first the money was just so tempting..so i pushed myself to work... but then i just couldn't give more of a damn to keep pushing... cuz the job sucked..
WoWer...
...as a release of "depression" from work... i started to play WoW... and got hooked onto it.... and this became the 2nd reason why i dont give a damn abt work... as i've said a long long time before "lvling to 60 > TNS"...
handicapped...
i pulled a "kurodo"...hah. tried to dunk and landed really badly. don't want to go into details cuz some of you who are reading this will be grossed out anyway. with my arms un-movable and can't do a single thing... felt like a piece of crap... that's when the whole depression sinks in...
so-called "worship leader"...
i find it very funny... as soon as my arm got better, i was called to lead worship for CAIS's outreach event... and i only got two weeks. the funnier thing was... i didnt even know if i could handle the guitar strumming yet... but still i said yes. luckily everything turned ok... and so did the gospel camp... and the ignite camp... the reason why i put "so-called" was cuz i dont even feel like a worship leader myself... it's sad but yes, i know God has His intenion for me to do this... but i just never really "felt" it...
douchebag...
...and i sunk lower and lower into the mud. it's not like i hate the world or anything... it's just that im tired... i never caught up with God's pace...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------but stil....
just a note to all of you.
...what more can i say? you've all been awesome. for those of you how knew me since the first day i walked into mrs maughan's room... i know what you're thinking... from that perma-pissed-off kid with the porcupine hair and being good at math.... into the long-haired douchebag...it's an effing 180 degree change... well yeah.. i've changed a lot since... and those people.. i have to say thank you for putting up with me every single step in my life. y'all have made a great impact on who i've become... yes, even the whole hip hop thing and bandanna and even the long hair. for those of you who know me during my CAIS school life... i apologize to all of you... cuz i know i've intimidated a lot of you at first cuz im just "cool"... now don't be mistaken.. my "cool" is not-talking cool...not the cool guy cool... and maybe you think im mean for not talking... well... im just not fond of talking... that's why y'all actually enjoy talking to me on msn..? hmm i dont know...
and specifically.. (names are not in the order of importance... it's just random)
simp -
it's been a blast to know you. i just got to know you more in the last half a year since you're the only person that i can actually talk to about my spiritual life and stuff.. you've always been very supportive, even with the djembe... and yes, the djembe is still untouched after you last played it...
hilda -
hildagor! haha..thx for remembering my birthday and calling..... it was fun to know you too, although you're a bit slow sometimes... but wherever simp goes, you sorta followed so i guess i knew you better in that half a year..? ahha.
jeff -
jay chou ftw? i don't think we'd be friends at all if it wasn't jay chou...ahha. jamming sessions were always awesome.. and i shall look forward to jam with you for the last time @ ignite this coming friday b4 we meet again.
judy -
my personal snadbag in grade 7! time flies doesnt it? from a sandbag into a person that i hang out in japan. ahah! you're prolly the person that i turn to when i need to vent... and you're just always there when i need to explode. haha... it was nice seeing you again after 4 months of lockdown. *ahem*...
chris -
thank you in advance for your house and your car in toronto. but i dont think i'd be the person i am today if you didn't come to CAIS... lol... a lot of indirect influences...
tom -
yehs. seeing you getting on fire for God after the Summit and you starting to come to ignite, i guess you are one of the encouragements to actually stay strong and run ignite....
greg lui -
one whole year of acoustic set isn't fun... but we just managed to pull it off nicely. lol. looking forward to jam with you an the rest of the "to break a fifty" crew sometime later..
kenny -
you're weird. lol. that's the first word that come across my mind when i hear the name "kenny". it was awesome to have you arnd and joke about uhh... you know what im talking about...
carmen -
my fellow ex-ignite leader. it's been a year but i still don't know you that well. lol. and welcome once again into the mac family.
charis poon -
well, i guess you're the person whom i "look up" to when everyone's gone.. cuz seriously, you're much stronger in faith than i am when the new core started... and i guess it's your life-threatening stickies on my desktop which keeps everything on track...? haha.
jasmine -
the female version of me. it's scary how similar we are... lol.. i guess that's why we talk a lot...? ah well.... it's awesome to know there's someone that's very similar to me.. ahah!
kristine -
hey hawt girl. =p it's been awesome to get to know you, and becoming one of your "closer" friends. LOL. i still think it's funny how you think im a very "interesting" guy and we just kept talking. =P....i guess you'll miss me when im gone RIGHT?
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| hello, mirror.
so glad to see you, my friend.
it's been awhile....
searching, fearless...
where do i begin to heal this wound of self-denial...
face yourself man!
brace yourself and trace your hell back!
you've bee blinded..
living like a one way cold existence all the while...
now it's time to stare the problem right between the eyes you long lost child..
i want to heal your conscience
making a change to fix this dying soul....
you've finally shown who i really am, and i don't recognize what you've shown me. a pale face without a speck of red on my cheek, bloodshot eyes with two black eyebags, and unkempt hair that covered half of my face.... everytime i look at the reflection, i see a decent guy with everything fixed up and ready to head out.... but why am i suddenly seeing this horrid picture..?
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and you..
bring me to my knees...
again.
all the times..
that i could beg you please..
in vain.
all the times...
that i felt insecure..
for you.
and i leave..
my burdens at the door.
all the times..
that i felt like this won't end..
it's for you.
and i taste..
what i could never have..
it's from you.
all the times..
that i've cried..
my intentions..
full of pride..
but i waste..
more time than anyone.
all the times..
that i've cried..
all this wasted.
it's all inside..
and i feel..
all this pain..
stuffed it down..
it's back again..
and i lie..
here in bed..
all alone.
i can't mend.
but i feel..
tomorrow will be ok....
im on the outside..
im looking in..
i can see through you..
see your true colors..
inside you're ugly..
ugly like me..
i can see through you..
see through the real you..
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